JUST ME: Thoughts for the Week

My thoughts for the week of Sept 21, 2009

I feel like God has been waking me up every morning and giving me thoughts for the day.
I only wish I could really remember what He was telling me as soon as I get up, but I usually end up remembering throughout the day.
The main theme has been: LET GO, LET GOD!! Then I realized that I have to let go of everything, even my lifelines that I feel are holding me in place, keeping me from falling into that pit.
The things that I think are important are not really important and I need to find the things that God is telling me are important and focus on them.

I can make life be what I want it to be by controlling what I do OR I can let go and let God change me into who He wants me to be and to do what He is transforming me to do.
This might hurt, it’s not safe, but I know that I’ve gotta make a change; I don’t care if I break, at least I’ll be feeling something. ‘Cause just okay is not enough, help me fight through the nothingness of life.
I don’t wanna go through the motions; I don’t wanna go one more day, without Your all consuming passion inside of me; I don’t wanna spend my whole life asking, “What if I had given everything, instead of going through the motions?”
(The Motions by Matthew West)
I know that God is creating in me a heart of Christ so that I will live my life according to His will not my own. I know He healed me for a reason. I only have had glimpses of what that reason may be, but I know that I am willing and ready (at least I think I am) to do whatever He is transforming me to do. I am sure that I have a lot of transforming yet to accomplish, but at least it has started and I am on my way, by God's grace.
Persistence can be good or bad, depending on how it is used. I feel that I have been too afraid to let go completely, therefore my persistence was more like stubborn-ness & that is 'bad'. I believe that it was helpful to me to have that persistence for a time while the Lord was working in my life by transforming me by the renewing of my mind to prove to me how good, acceptable and perfect HIS WILL really is. I do not want to admit that it could be stubborn-ness, but maybe it is.

I believe that by thinking negatively about myself for so many years of my life (maybe all of them), I have put a damper His plans for me and caused myself to lose out on the marvelous blessing of living in HIM. I know I did not lose it completely, but I ran away from it instead of embracing it, because I was afraid of His wrath or what would happen to my children if I fell short of His expectations. Now; I know that is flawed thinking, but then I was not aware of it being wrong thinking.

The two predominant issues in my life are doubt & fear. With doubt comes a lack of trust or lack of ability to trust others. I'm always waiting for the bottom to fall out of any friendships, especially with men. In the last year though, I have been realizing that it is ok to trust some that I have met through my business and I have started to relax my defenses. I still have a hard time knowing when people are really being serious with me and I do read into things too much, trying to figure out how I should respond so as to not get made fun of.
I had a lot of trouble with my father, husband and a few others, but this year God has taught me that I can trust some men and that in turn has helped me to trust God more and more. He's not the big bad guy sitting in the clouds ready to hammer me when I think or do the wrong thing; instead He is a loving God, full of patience & understanding and wants only good for me. He has guided me through many hard times and I was always afraid of letting Him down and then I would experience His wrath in some terrible way.
But now, since going through that dark valley of Lyme, I can see Him in a totally different light. He was actually with me on that whole journey. I could feel His presence when I was in a lot of pain and I had no one to talk to but Him. He listened to me and comforted me so I did not feel lonely anymore. He taught me to trust again. When my heart would really hurt with shooting pains, I could just close my eyes and know that He was taking care of me and whatever He decided to do with me, I was at peace with. If I died or lived, it didn't matter, because I was in His arms. I was dwelling in that secret place of the Almighty under the shadow of His wings. He is my refuge and strength. My God, in Him I will trust!! Psalm 91: 15 "If you hold onto me for dear life," says God, "I'll get you out of any trouble." I'll give you the best of care if you'll only get to know and trust me!" (The Message Bible)

Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus

written by Helen H. Lemmel, 1922

O soul are you weary and troubled?
No light in the darkness you see?
There’s light for a look at the Saviour,
And life more abundant and free.

Chorus:

Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face;
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim
In the light of His glory and grace.

Chorus

Through death into life everlasting
He passed, and we follow Him there;
Over us sin no more hath dominion
For more than conqu’rors we are!

Chorus

His word shall not fail you He promised;
Believe Him and all will be well.
Then go to a world that is dying,
His perfect salvation to tell!

Chorus